it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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