he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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