Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
