I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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