She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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