i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
