Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
