Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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