What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
