why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
