When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he was CRYING into my vagina
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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