I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
