Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
