This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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