something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
