she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
