I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
