I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
