Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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