Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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