come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
