Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
