I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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