Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My vagina just recognized that song.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize