my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
