Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
