So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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