Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
