the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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