After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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