walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
