I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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