i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I touched a dick in church today
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
