if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
