Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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