Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
