we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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