I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
