so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
