after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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