sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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