Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
