If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
