"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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