You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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