He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
