I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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