Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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