My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
