guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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