Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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