This girl is more easily done than said...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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