Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
