I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
