i used baking grease as lip gloss
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize