apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
