if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Can you bring me the toilet please
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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