So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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