at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
