Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
