I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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