That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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