the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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