just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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