Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize