Jerry, you need to find god
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize