so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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