Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
