well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
