good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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