He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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