i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize