I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I could fuck to npr.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
