I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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