The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
