I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
