Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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