Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I made him laugh his dick is mine
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
