i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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